sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
