My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
