I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
