I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
