My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
