If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
