Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
