I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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