Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
