New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
