there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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