u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
