oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
