Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
