He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
