Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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