how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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