I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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