dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
