He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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