It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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