its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
