rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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