I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
