just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
