Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
