Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
