Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
