I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
