she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
