btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
