Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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