if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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