I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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