and she was petting her beer can
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
