just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
