All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
