if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
