I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
