Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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