Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
