He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
