i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
