Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
