You're so nebulous sometimes
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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