Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
