Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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