The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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