he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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