I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
