Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
