There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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